I have noticed a interesting thing about myself. It hit me again today as I saw the Wildcats get beat up by NC on national TV. I was bummed out!! I mean it was a few hours before I was over it. I got to thinking about that and I believe it is a part of our culture which is not all that pretty a picture. Let me explain my feelings.
I feel badly when the Broncos lose, especially when they played so badly and in fact,anytime they get beat, I feel bad. Same with the Nuggies, the Rockies, the Avs, etc. It is like part of my life is tied to the fact that the teams I root for are successful. How dumb is that? It passes quickly but the fact that I have those feelings at all is what bugs me. I have no personal stake in the matter, have nobody really involved that I know......I basically think that somehow in some small way my self worth or the fact that that I'm vicariously taking part in these games and so when they get beat, I get beat. It is a phenomena that takes a hold of whole cities and states who are so closely tied to their sports team. (i.e. Nebraska, Notre Dame, Texas, etc.) Riots occur and people go bananas if their teams loses sometimes. You have to look no further than soccer riots in Europe after a loss to see the psychology that takes over at times. It is like if their team loses they feel worthless themselves adn they lose all sense of perspective. So, my conclusion is that it comes down to our competitive natures as humans to a degree. We must win or somehow we are less of a person or city or country. By winning we prove ourselves better competitively and thus in our minds we are better human beings. While we have good hard competition around it seems less and less that we enjoy the competition as much as we do crushing the competition.
Competition is good in life. It is what drives our captialistic system. It rewards risk, enterpenurship, innovation and many other positive things. It doesn't in itself do anything but drive us to be better than the other guy in the business world or die. It is a good thing in that sense. I promotes our life style and standard of living. I have no problem with competition in that sense.
But the drive to always have to beat some one to somehow validate your own self worth in the sports sense is not a good thing. Who of us really likes to watch a game just because it is a good game. If we don't have a horse in the race, we are not that interested in watching it if truth be told. (I'm speaking for me, here) Why not enjoy the game just because of the game, not who's playing or who actually wins the game? Interesting psychology there I think.
It is interesting in our family as those of us who have played sports kind of have this ingrained in our DNA about winning and striving to do your best to crush your opponent. It is reflected in our lives in the way we always want to play a game or have a competition in almost any situation. (aka Manliest Man contest at the Ranch) I know that some of the girls are a bit uncomfortable with the way we Foster men always want to win at whatever it is we do. I truly think it is very good natured and lots of fun, but I am curious what drives us to do that all the time. I'm not suggesting we change our basic make up, but I'm saying lets be aware of it and that others might not feel the same way about things. We certainly don't want to hurt anyones feelings about competiting for anything.
I for one pledge to no longer want to win at anything. I have been crushed so many times that I no longer have any self worth. I'm no longer the free throw champ, no longer rein as the Boggle champ, and certainly am far down on the list of ping pong players in the fam. I basically am a worthless human being.
So the next time we meet in the middle of the ring, don't expect me to say "I, will crush you!!" I will merely turn the other cheek and let you smack me around like a cat playing with catnip. (I'm the catnip)
At least I have MacGyver to kick around!! I can beat him at anything except running in perfect concentric circles to the left only!!
Dad
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Dad I agree with you that we my be a little over the top sometimes, but it is so sweet when you come out on top. Just imagine if Arizona had pulled it out yesterday, we would be singing a different tune today. Kind of like the Cougs and their win over Air Force.
I don't know why I get so attached to certain teams. You are right, I mean not one Wildcat would recognize me from Adam. Yet I would do anything during a game so that they would win. An interestig thing like this happened the other day to me where I realized it was out of control in our society.
I was in the locker room after practice and was talking to someone about college football. Notre Dame had just played and got stomped in their bowl game so I made a comment about how they were over rated and how they had not won a big game all year. Everyone else around shook their heads in agreement. Then a guy who I guess was on the track team but I had never met him walked over to where we were talking and began to agrue with me about Notre Dame. I thought it was a joke at first so I made a sarcastic comment and everyone laughed, except this dude who had walked over. Afer a few seconds I realized that this guy was really angry at me and the discussion got heated. I told him that I didn't really care and that I was just joking, but he was not happy. Everyone around was quiet and didn't know what to say. This mans love of Notre Dame football ran so deep that it took away his ability to think rationally and he looked like a jerk in front of 10 people. I'm sure that there might have been moments in my life that would of done the same thing. The want to be the best is so deeply rooted inside of us, and what adds to it is that many of us put so much time and effort in to becoming the best that our view of life can become skewed if not checked. It is important that we, I in particular don't let that happen too much. Except for in ping pong because I really am the best in that. No questions asked.
Very funny and thought-provoking post, Dad.
Don't feel bad about not being the best at Boggle. That doesn't make you completely worthless . . . just a lot less valuable in general. For example, based on Boggle skills alone, the worth of my soul is approximately twice yours (that's 200% better). :)
More seriously, your thoughts on competition are profound, if somewhat self-contradictory with a healthy dose of irony.
I'm sure you remember my "communist" phase (your label) after my freshman year at college. A very compelling book called "No Contest: the Case Against Competition," by Alfie Kohn got me (momentarily) all riled up against capitalism and competition in general. The book suggests that the very nature of capitalism sets up our society to cut each other down on the way to the top. You cannot crown winners, he states, without creating losers.
He proposes that a more constructive--if completely utopian--societal paradigm would be where cooperation and communal success were the supreme values and drove all of our efforts. Our business, sports, and social interactions would all be win/win situations, and the only losers would be those who chose not to cooperate. He recommends changing the social structure (including school, sports, and games) and the business model to reward cooperation and interdependence.
In our family, competition has always been the name of the game and a way of laughing and bonding. It has also produced some temporary hard feelings from time to time. (Like how Drew and Jeff flat out lied and cheated to win the last basketball match.)
But over Christmas, we tasted in a small way the fun and good feelings that a communal game can engender: Hoopla. No losers there, with all of us working on a common goal. This is the sort of revised social game that Mr. Kohn recommends as a way of moving towards a society of cooperation.
Truthfully, I think it's a grand and important idea; it's actually what we believe our eternal life will be like--the Law of Consecration, basically. Or, more pessimistically, it's like Communism, which has proven emphatically to be a failed social experiment.
When I examine my own person, I recognize a fierce competitiveness (witness my last post on the Karate Kid) that has driven me to some of my greatest successes, but also provided me with some of my most embarrassing and despondent moments. (Think fighting with Joltin' Joe or excoriating myself for making a mistake that resulted in losing a big game.)
In sports, we ironically can experience both structures: the glory of crushing the competition and, simultaneously, the sublime synergy of playing on a team with "all the pistons firing." What if we could reproduce that synergy without decimating someone else's dream in the process?
But while that sounds intriguing, my more mature (and slightly jaded) view is that, in reality, we live in a world of competition. To succeed, we must compete--in school, in sports, in careers, in Manliest Man competitions, etc. As I now raise my kids, I feel a fatherly compulsion to mold them into competitors--because they will have to be. Elizabeth's instinct is different: to temper that competitiveness by praising cooperation. Hopefully, our styles can co-exist and produce children capable of succeeding in any environment, be it competition or cooperation.
In any event, take it easy on MacGuyver. You're a lot bigger than he is . . .
Thanks for a good post!
I have to say that is one of my favorite things about the Foster Fam...the good-natured competitions. I love how riled up Ty can get over a game. I find it fun to watch. I love the memory I will forever have of looking in the kitchen to see the "ring competition" of December 2005 - who can spin their wedding ring to hit the Santa in the middle of the table first?
While competitiveness can indeed go too far, I think that for the most part you've given your boys - and girl - a healthy dose of it, Mick. As for myself, I like to win...but I don't like to rub someone else's nose in the fact that because I won, they lost. (Unless that person happens to be my father-in-law or my husband, then I can never go too far with my gloating! :) ) So I guess on some levels I agree with the concept Mark referred to of a Utopian society where we are all working together for the greater good. I don't really get discouraged over losses unless they are losses that determine my lot or path in life. Real life losses. Those are sometimes hard to take, although there is a lesson in every one.
So I say that the Fosters should not give up what makes them Fosters. Mick, if you need a good boost to get you back into the spirit of competition, I will renew my challenge of the free-throw contest. Except this time there won't be any special rules (because everyone knows I can totally whoop you with the special rules). Just some straight-shooting to get my wonderful father-in-law back to his old self. You are sure to be a winner and I a loser. What do you say, Mick? Is it still in you? :)
I personally feel that a game without competition is not worth playing. I have no idea if this is a good thing or not, but it is the way I feel. It doesn't have to be against someone, it can be time, it can a professional (Mark, remember beat the pro), it can be whatever you want it to be but I have to be playing against something to make it fun.
This is one reason why I don't like the game Apples to Apples. I guess there is meant to be some sort of competiton involved but I certainly don't feel it. People like the socializing aspect of the game, please, is all I have to say to that. I will socialize with you after I kick your trash and put you in your place.
This is also why I love Hog Holler, Lightning (the game that shocks you when you are too slow) arm wrestling, paper rock scissors, and anything else you can dish at me. i can't put a finger on why I love it so much, it just isn't fun otherwise. Without the competition what point is there to trying.
Another interesting phenomenon I have noticed in myself and I think is different amongst many of us Fosters. I hated losing when I was a Chatfield Charger, but if I played a good game and we still lost, I didn't feel all that bad. Luckily this didn't happen too often. (we didn't lose very often)
AD
Spare me the tears, Dad. Your declarations that you no longer want to win are laughable. Why else do you cheat so much when engaged in competition?
It's because you fear losing, and you will stop at nothing to fulfill your obsession with winning at any cost. You're trying to get us to let our guard down. Just because you can't win anymore doesn't mean you won't stop at nothing to win, even if it means the most foul skulduggery, the most outrageous lies and abominable acts of unfairness.
I'm on to you. You can't fool me.
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